


cherry chapstick

by YourFavLocalMeme



Category: Julie and the Phantoms
Genre: Angst, Bi!Reggie, Fluffy Ending, Internalized Biphobia, M/M, Original Character(s), pan!Luke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:21:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27703382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourFavLocalMeme/pseuds/YourFavLocalMeme
Summary: reggie realizes he has a crush on luke, but it's the 90s.
Relationships: Luke Patterson/Alex, Luke Patterson/Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Comments: 19
Kudos: 83





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> tw // mention of vomit, internalized biphobia, mention of religion, mention of slurs (not used), panic attacks

luke and reggie were constantly flirting, going out of their ways to touch each other. they would hold hands constantly, sleep on each others’ shoulders while watching movies. alex knew something was up, but both would deny they had feelings for each other.

  
they were joint at the hip. they had chemistry on stage, and more importantly, they trusted each other. when reggie’s parents would fight, he’d find his way to luke’s house, and luke would pull up “star wars” and they’d cuddle while reggie fell asleep in his arms. when luke’s mom would get angry with him, he’d meet reggie at the elementary school park and reggie would let him write lyrics adamantly, without the need to talk. 

  
at first, reggie told himself it was just a friendship thing, that it was nice to be flirted with, that sometimes he just needed arms around him at night. soon, he realized, it was so much more. things were different when he cuddled with alex. alex’s warmth was nice, sure, but it wasn’t the same, and he didn’t smell like new acoustic guitars and the sea. when luke sang to him, he felt his cheeks light up. of course, reggie had known luke was attracted to men, but he’d never liked a man. it made him nervous, but it didn’t mean he was going to date luke. after all, it was the 90s, and they were in a band, and reggie was straight. of course, he knew that alex might date a man, but that just wasn’t for reggie. he...he liked girls, didn’t he?

  
but at night, it wasn’t the warmth of a girl who often kept him safe. it wasn’t a girl whose hair he wanted to run his fingers through. it wasn’t a girl’s voice that sang romantic lines to him. it wasn’t a girl that he wanted to say so much to, that he wrote a song for. he dreamt of a boy’s lips on his own. 

  
_luke_. the name felt delicate in his mind, gentle and sacred.

  
he thought of all the things his parents had called alex, all of the words they’d used. he wondered how they could make it sound so evil when things felt so right with luke. when reggie was with luke, it felt as if the universe was finally balanced.

  
but he knew he couldn’t think things like this. it was wrong. reggie had never been religious and neither had his parents, but he knew what his pastor would say if he confessed that it was a boy, not a girl, who set his heart on fire. yet he couldn’t pull away from luke. luke was the equivalent to fire: so dangerous and it could easily burn you, but it was also alluring and you wanted to get close, to reach out and...touch it.  
it was thoughts like these that kept reggie up at night. of course, these thoughts always brought him right back to luke’s arms, who would sing sweet nothings in his ear. luke, who looked at him so gently, who didn’t let him go during the night.

  
they’d been getting closer lately. they would spend time on their home phones, speaking for hours. luke laughed at everything reggie said, even if it wasn’t funny. once, luke offered reggie his sweater to sleep in, and reggie had kept it. luke never said anything when he’d showed up to practice in the sweater, a little too big on him, but both of them had blushed the whole time. alex would give them quizzical looks, but never said anything.

  
one night, when reggie was lying in luke’s arms, he asked him something tentatively. “do you think...men being attracted to men is wrong? romantically, I mean?” his voice broke, and he saw something like pain flash in luke’s beautiful blue eyes. he wanted to kiss the pain away, but he held himself back.

  
“what do you mean, bud?” luke asked.

  
“i just… you know. i mean, you and alex are…”

  
“attracted to men? yeah. listen, reg, i’d be careful about what you say. because I’m your friend, and i can see that you’re hurting, so i’m not going to say anything. but i want you to know that these people you’re implying are sinners have gone through hell to be able to say who they are, and proudly.”

  
“luke…”

  
“no, please. i get that you may be struggling, and that’s okay. i’m sorry if i’m overreacting...it’s just, there’s so much hate, you know? it’s scary to think that i could be killed for the way my heart beats? plus, i’m also attracted to women, and i’ve tried so hard just to be attracted to women. but, i can’t change who i am, you know? so to answer your question, no, i don’t think people attracted to the same gender are sinners. i think we’re some of the bravest people i know.” luke was crying now, and before reggie could stop himself he began wiping the tears away, kissing luke’s eyes until they fluttered shut.

  
he pulled away, not sure what he was doing. “shit...i...i’m sorry, luke. i gotta go,” he began to get up, panicking, and luke looked at him sadly, as if his heart was breaking.

  
when reggie climbed out of the window, he began to break down, sobbing softly. 

  
he was in love with luke. luke, who held him tightly when he couldn’t sleep. luke, who was so utterly beautiful that it shattered reggie’s heart. luke...who was a boy.  
reggie realized what this meant, and when he got home, he sobbed. he didn’t go to practice the next day.

  
🎸🎸🎸

  
“are you okay?” alex asked luke.

  
“not really… i just...i wish he would call me, you know? it’s like nothing happened. he doesn’t show up to practice and i just have to forget that he kissed me?”

  
“i totally get it. but i think we also have to be considerate of where he is right now. I mean...he just kissed you. reggie, who always thought he was straight, and probably has a million things going on at home. not that he doesn’t owe you an explanation...it’s just, he’s going through a lot right now,” alex said.

  
“you’re right. thanks, alex.” they were practicing in the garage when reggie walked in. his hair was a mess and he looked like he’d been crying for days.

  
“hey, bud,” alex said cheerfully.

  
“reg…” luke said, reaching out to him. he was only a few feet away, but he felt miles away.

  
“alright, let’s practice everybody!” reggie said.

  
so they practiced, and luke kept looking at reggie. his heart broke to see the boy like this. he knew he had caused it, and that was the worst part. he was so in love with him, and he’d made him like this.  
suddenly, during “now or never,” reggie was right next to luke on the mic. it felt normal, and reggie looked happy. luke began singing to him, and the universe felt right again.

  
soon, the song was over, but reggie was still looking at luke expectantly. he looked down at his lips nervously.

  
all of a sudden, they were kissing. it was messy, and it tasted like tears and fear. it also felt like coming home. however, somehow luke knew that this was goodbye. the garage disappeared, and everything became hyper focused on reggie’s lips. they tasted like cherry chapstick. it felt...right. luke felt reggie kiss him back adamantly, as if he were going to break in his arms like a china doll.

  
they pulled away, both of them breathless.

  
“shit, reg… i’m so sorry, i just thought. i shouldn’t have. it was…”

  
reggie looked ashamed, and luke knew that they were exactly where they had been the other night. it was like they were going in circles.

  
what was the quote? “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

  
“luke…” reggie said, and the name that so often sounded gentle in his mouth sounded like something wrong, something to be ashamed of. “i’m sorry. i can’t.”

  
luke stopped him. “please, I need to talk to you.”

  
“fine.”

  
“i’m so in love with you. and damn it, reg, i know you don’t feel the same way. i know you’re confused and i was someplace to go. but it hurts so much. i’m so in love with you and it’s breaking me. i’ve been in love with you since we met. and I thought...i thought maybe you loved me back. but I know that’s not true. i can’t do this anymore, bud. i need to know. do you love me?”

  
“luke…” reggie sounded like he was begging for mercy.

  
“please, reg. take me out of my misery. i need to know.”

  
“i’ve never felt what you felt for me. i’m sorry, luke. i’m so sorry. now I need to go,” and so reggie ran away, only him knowing he was lying. luke fell to his knees, letting out a cry of pain. he’d thought...no, it didn’t matter what he’d thought. he’d pushed reggie too far, and now one of his best friends might never forgive him.

  
“i’m going to go check on reggie,” alex said, and he left. “i’ll be back soon.”

  
luke felt the tears coming fast, but this time reggie wasn’t there to kiss his eyes shut so he didn’t have to see the monsters. what if he’d messed up? reggie didn’t love him. luke knew this, and yet the words felt cold in his heart. he thought of the way reggie had worn his sweater so proudly, of the way he’d slept in his arms. but that was just...reggie. of course it was. there had always been a clock ticking when they were together, giving them a limited amount of time. it was over now.

  
when alex came back, luke was having a panic attack. he couldn’t breathe.

  
“luke. luke! look at me,” alex held his hands, breathing in and out with him. luke felt like this was it. the world was ending, and reggie was leaving him along with it.

  
“he...he hates me,” he croaked out.

  
“he doesn’t hate you. he just needs time. he loves you so much, just not the way you love him.” alex rubbed luke’s back comfortingly. 

  
“i know, but for a second, i thought… he kissed me, lex. like I told you, not just today. he asked me whether it was wrong for men to like men and he kissed my eyes and it was so damn tender and… then today, he kissed me back. i know it. and I’m so scared that I did something wrong and that i assumed it was okay and he got scared,” luke felt the words come rushing out, and in an instant, he knew they were all true. reggie had kissed him that night when his lips had brushed gently over his eyelids as if they were saying i love you in a million different ways. he’d kissed him today, urgently as if he were trying to tell him something important.

  
“i know how hard it can be, luke, and he’s not doing it on purpose. when I found him, he seemed really apologetic. i think he’s bent out of shape from this. we just need to leave him be for a little, okay?”

  
“i’m sorry, lex. i shouldn’t have let this happen. i’m the one who started flirting with him, knowing very well that he was straight. i let myself fall in love, and i shouldn’t have, especially not when the band has so much to lose.” luke knew it was his fault, and yet it hurt to admit it. he hated that he’d hurt reggie, his safety, his home. 

  
“luke...it’s not your fault. we’ve all fallen in love with people who weren’t good for us. and how could you have known that you were going to fall in love with him? no one could have predicted it. he wouldn’t want you to be mad at yourself.” alex helped luke stand up, and they both started walking over to the couch.

  
the tv was set up, but it wasn’t turned on. the square-shaped thing stared at them tauntingly. luke remembered the nights he’d played “star wars” on his own tv to put reggie to sleep, whispering sweet nothings into his ear. he felt his heart break again.

  
“do you wanna watch empire strikes back?” alex asked.

  
“can’t. it’s reggie’s favorite movie. god, i was so...clueless.”

  
“you weren’t. you saw what you wanted to be there. and honestly...i guess i always thought he loved you, too. when you would look at him, it was like his eyes lit up. he would find every single excuse to spend more time with you...to sing with you. not that it’s our business, but i guess i just always figured.”

  
“i did, too. i let myself be clouded by what i wanted.” they both sat down on the couch.

  
“do you want to spend the night at my place tonight? we can get pizza and watch the breakfast club. i won’t even judge you for your crush on molly ringwald,” he joked, earning a smile from the brunette.

  
“i would love to, but it feels wrong right now. i should go talk to my mom.”

  
“alright. tell emily I say hi. goodnight, luke. i love you.”

  
luke got up, turning around to look at the drummer. “love you too, lex.”

  
so luke went home and fell asleep without a warm body next to him. he cried himself to sleep, and when he woke up in the morning, he was relieved that it was a weekend.  
emily knocked on the door. “are you okay, dear?”

  
“i’m fine, mom,” his voice was harsh. “i’m sorry. it’s just...i’m not in the best mood.”

  
“it’s okay. let me know if you need anything. i left pancakes outside your door,” his mom said. pancakes were luke’s comfort food. and yet, of course, as it so often is with heartbreak, everything came back to reggie. one morning after reggie had spent the night, luke had spent hours arduously making the delicacy. reggie had adored blueberry pancakes, and so luke, being the romantic he was, had made three heart-shaped blueberry pancakes. reggie had been so happy that morning, and luke had been so tempted to kiss him. he wondered what the black-haired boy would’ve done if he had. would he have let him kiss him, or would he have pushed him away? luke’s not sure which would be better.

  
luke came down to the table and sat, eating his pancakes. his mom did the dishes behind him.

  
“reggie hasn’t been over lately,” his mom remarked. “is everything okay with him?”

  
luke sighed. “mom, how do you know if you messed things up with someone?”

  
“did you and reg get into a fight?” she asked. the concern in her voice was so clear.

  
“something like that. i think i really hurt him, ma.”

  
“then you apologize. you boys have been through so much. i’m sure whatever you did, he can forgive you.”

  
“but what if he doesn’t want to see me?”

  
“then you give him time. but you can’t give up on things. he’s one of your best friends, luke. just because you’re going through something right now doesn’t mean that’s not still true.”

  
“yeah, i know. and...mom?”

  
“yes, sweetie?”

  
“what if I crossed a boundary line that can’t be redrawn?”

  
“then maybe that boundary line never should have been drawn at all. luke...do you love him?” his mom asked. of course she’d sensed that luke was in love with reggie, especially when he’d confessed to her that he was attracted to men and women. luke figured that emily was one of the most accepting parents ever.

  
“i do. but i don’t want to cross lines, mom. i think i hurt him. i…” he didn’t want to confess to his sins. “i kissed him, mom. i kissed him even though i know i shouldn’t have.”

  
“you’re a good kid, you know that? i always called you my baby because although i don’t have any other kids, you’ve always had the purest soul of anyone i’ve ever known. I know you would never hurt anyone on purpose. so if you think you messed things up with reggie, well, i’m sure it’ll all work out in the end.”

  
“thanks, mom. i love you,” he said gently.

  
“of course,” she came over and gave him a kiss on his forehead. “and maybe i’m a little biased, but i don’t know how anyone could not be in love with you.”

  
he groaned.

  
“no, seriously. plus, not that it’s my place to say, but i always thought that boy was madly in love with you.”

  
“well, he’s not. i told him i loved him and he said he didn’t feel the same.”

  
“hm. well, i have to go to work, but you call the office if you need anything, okay? i love you, luke.”

  
“i love you too, mom.”

  
so luke’s mom left and he was alone with his thoughts. he thought to call alex and take him up on his offer from last night, so he did. the two boys spent the day eating popcorn and watching “the breakfast club.” everything still hurt, but alex had always been a safe person for luke.

  
🎸🎸🎸

  
meanwhile, reggie couldn’t forget about how it had felt when luke had kissed him. his lips had been so warm, so liberating. it had been a rushed, passionate kiss, yet reggie had wanted to savor every second of it. he’d let luke hold him in the kiss, feeling as if he would fall to the floor without someone to hold him up.

  
it had felt like everything he’d done up to that point in his life had been leading up to that moment. and yet reggie knew he couldn’t think like that. luke was a boy, and if his parents knew, they’d kick him out. 

  
reggie found himself checking the clock that morning, wondering if it would be inappropriate for him to go visit luke. he shouldn’t, though. instead, he got in the car, driving to the mall. his parents were home, but he knew they wouldn’t notice if he was gone. sometimes reggie thought he could disappear and his parents wouldn’t know. he’d never felt that way with luke.

  
he shook himself. he couldn’t think of luke. je arrived at the mall and started walking in. he needed to get away, away, away, to think of something other than the brunette boy with the eyes that looked at him so tenderly. 

  
he felt himself bump into someone.

  
“i’m so sorry. i’m such a klutz,” she said.

  
he looked into her eyes, and he felt so awful for thinking it, but he did. _here’s my reprieve_ , he thought. she was cute. not as cute as luke, of course. her skin was pasty white, and her blue hair curled down to her back. her nails were bitten down, and she had a rose tattoo on the inside of her wrist. here was his opportunity to prove to everyone, and most importantly, himself, that he was not in love with luke patterson.

  
“hi, I’m reggie ivanov,” he said. “i play bass.”

  
“really? or do you just say that to all the girls?” she smiled at him. 

  
“oh no, i play bass.”

  
“that’s cool. i play drums.”

  
“do you wanna hang out? my friends are...busy.”

  
“hang out with a mildly awkward strange boy I met at the mall? yeah, I’m good,” she laughed.

  
“can I at least get your number?”

  
“sure, bass boy.” she got a pen and wrote a number on his arm. “my name’s delilah. i think i should be concerned about the fact that you’re so desperate to date a girl whose name you don’t know. cheating?” she winked at him.

  
he stammered. flirting with delilah felt like cheating, but that wasn’t necessarily what it was. “more like rebound,” he said, but he said it in a comical way enough to make it seem like a joke.

  
“huh. did you try to serenade her with your bass and find you couldn’t play?”

  
he wanted to correct her about the pronouns so badly, but he didn’t. after all, it was the 90s. “no. i’ll play for you one time. i’m in a band. sunset curve, tell your friends.”

  
he began to walk away, turning back to wave at her. he tripped and she laughed at him. she seemed so sweet, and cute, and he felt bad for using her as a rebound. for a second, he told himself not to do it. but he had to, to prove it to himself and everyone else.


	2. cherry chapstick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter 2 <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> same triggers apply!

over time, reggie started coming back to rehearsal. he watched as luke and alex grew closer, a pang of jealousy in his chest. he knew he wasn’t allowed to be jealous, but he was. similarly, he started bringing delilah over to rehearsals.

he tried so hard to like her, he did. she was so similar to him, so different from luke. he appreciated her friendship so much...but he just didn’t like her romantically. yet he brought her to rehearsals, showing her off, rubbing it in luke’s face. he never spoke to luke or alex about what happened, because it just didn’t feel right.

every so often, luke and reggie would have moments of chemistry while singing, and both would push each other away. reggie only kissed delilah in front of luke, and yet she let him use her. he hated her for that sometimes, but more often, he hated himself for using her.

when luke told reggie him and alex were dating, he felt his soul breaking, yet he knew he couldn’t be upset. he was, after all, the one who had rubbed delilah in luke’s face to make a point.

it had been three weeks since the incident, and all three of the sunset curve members knew alex was letting himself be used by luke, but no one said anything. if alex wanted to let luke misuse him, that was his decision, reggie decided.

“i wanted you to know first, since you...didn’t tell me about delilah. alex and i are together. we’ve gotten closer since the incident…” luke said, seeming to be begging reggie to oppose. luke and alex would crash and burn, all of them knew it, but it wasn’t reggie’s problem anymore.

“why would I be bothered?”

“reggie, I’m tired of this shit,” luke’s voice rose. “you may be able to pretend nothing happened, but not all of us are that skilled.”

“what shit? i don’t know what you mean,” reggie said. the black-haired boy hated who he’d become.

“i’m done. i can’t do this anymore, reg. it hurts. if you see my best friend in there somewhere, tell him i miss him,” luke said. his voice was pained.

“luke--wait… i miss you.” for a second, reggie felt the walls break. he wanted to hold his friend and never let him go.

“i miss you too. and I know you’re hurting, but you can’t take it out on other people. anyways, alex and I are dating. i think it’s serious.”

“okay. well, delilah and i are dating, too.”

“i know, reg.  _ God _ , do you know how much it hurt when i had to find out from your girlfriend that you two were dating? do you know how much it hurt that you’d never mentioned what happened between us? sometimes i think you’ve erased it from your mind. i wonder if it’s better that way. but I can’t forget, god damn it.”

“you should break up with alex. it’s going to end poorly,” reggie told the brunette.

“and you should break up with Delilah. but we won’t, will we? we’ve always been so stubborn, after all.”

“i’m so tired of fighting,” Reggie admitted. it wasn’t a conversation, more like comments that hurt to say but were relieving to unload. reggie wasn’t religious, but he imagined this was what confessional felt like.

“i am too.” luke reached out to take his hand, and they held hands. reggie almost cried.

“i can’t do this, Luke. i’m sorry.”

“you’re never going to be ready. it’s okay,” luke said.

🎸🎸🎸

they were having a movie night. luke was resting his head on alex’s chest. reggie felt so bad for alex, who knew luke was using him, and still let him, but it was still wrong. alex ran his fingers through luke’s hair, and reggie wanted to yell at him that he was the only one allowed to do that. it wasn’t his place anymore, though, he knew that. meanwhile, reggie sat across from them with delilah. delilah was talking about something, but reggie was only half heartedly paying attention.

“are you even listening? what’s with you lately, reg? you seem like you’re worlds away.” ever since alex and luke had started dating, delilah had noticed something was up.

“oh, sorry. i was watching the movie.”

“the movie being luke and alex? you sure were.”

“lilah…”

“no. what’s with you and luke, anyways? are you exes?” she didn’t sound disgusted, just genuinely curious.

“something like that.”

“what’s that supposed to mean?”

reggie looked at her with his puppy-dog eyes. “i love you.” he hadn’t said it yet because he knew he wouldn’t mean it. he still didn’t, but he was desperate.

“oh. you love me?”

he closed his eyes and nodded.

“i love you too, reg.” she kissed him. it didn’t feel like what kissing luke felt like. her lips didn’t taste like the sea and coming home. her fingers weren’t calloused from playing guitar. he didn’t reach out and touch her hair.

he pulled away and looked into her eyes. she was crying.

“do you love him?” she asked gently.

he grimaced and then nodded.

“and he loves you.” it was a statement, not a question.

“i think so. but...i think i messed everything up.”

“okay, reg. so here’s what we’re going to do. i’m going to stay for this movie, and then we’re going to go out back and have the loudest possible fight ever. it will be the bloodiest breakup ever. then i’ll go home and we’ll still be friends, but we won’t be dating anymore. i might need some time, but...we’ll be fine. we’ll all be fine. even alex.”

“you think so?”

“i know so.”

“thank you, delilah. i don’t deserve you.”

“you don’t. so, you know any cute singles?”

“not that I’m aware of, but i’ll be on the lookout.”

she laughed, and in another life, he knew he would’ve been madly in love with her. but in this world, it was a boy who played guitar who held the strings to his heart. 

after the movie, delilah rushed out. reggie got up and ran after her.

“stop! i love you!” he cried, knowing that they were bound to fake a fight.

“no you don’t! you lied to me! i’m supposed to sit in that room and watch you look at  _ him _ ?!”

“delilah...please.” the desperation in his voice was partially faked, but partially real. he remembered the night he had kissed luke’s eyelids. it had been so tender, so loving.

“i won’t help you lie about your feelings, reg! i am not that kind of girl! so, don’t call me! don’t even think about me! i’m not going to sit back while you love another. goodbye, reggie!” she winked at him, and he suppressed a giggle.

she ran off into the night, but reggie knew she would call him the next day to laugh about what had happened and ask what happened with luke.

luke ran out. reggie was so tired, all of a sudden. he was tired of the lies, a physical ache that felt like drowning.

“geg, what happened?” luke got down on the floor next to him, rubbing his back.

“it was a lie… all of it. we were together, damn it, but i never loved her, not like i…” he was sobbing now, his chest heaving.

“baby…” luke said, his voice soft.

“you know the worst part? she offered to do a fake break up with me, and i let her because i’m such a goddamn liar. she wanted to help me after everything i did to her. i’m a bad person. i hurt everyone around me.”

“so that’s what that was? and you’re not a bad person, Reggie. you never have been and you never will be.”

“no, you’re just a good person, luke. you’re so wholesome and you’ve never done anything wrong.”

“i started dating alex. you said i’ve never done anything wrong, and that’s not true. ” luke looked behind him through the window at alex and seemed to shake his head.

“you-- what?”

“damn it, reggie. don’t you see? you started dating delilah and I was so jealous that it felt like nausea. i couldn’t do it, so i let myself believe i loved him, like a false prophecy. i’m still so in love with you. you know what the worst part is? i wake up with alex’s arms wrapped around me in the morning, and my first thought is that he’s not you. i know you don’t feel the same way, but i can’t do this anymore, bud. there’s only so much I can take.”

reggie began to sob harder. “i love you, but I can’t be with you. not yet. i’m...i’m not ready. i’m so scared of what it means to be in love with you. you’re safe and dangerous, and i’m not ready for that. i’m sorry.”

“will you ever be ready?” luke’s voice broke.

“yes. but...not today.”

“can i kiss you before you go?”

“no. you’re still with alex, and i won’t do that to any of us.”

“reggie,” his name always sounded like a prayer in luke’s mouth.

“luke.”

“i love you. i will forever.”

“i know. i love you too.”

so reggie left the love of his life. luke was wrong. he was a bad person. if he wasn’t, he would’ve ran back to luke and told him everything would be okay. his lips would have met his eyelids like they had that night, tender and soft and _ pure _ .

so reggie went home and cried himself to sleep. he felt so empty, so alone without luke. he’d hurt the most important person in his life, and he would never come back from that.

when delilah called the next morning, he whispered what had happened to her. she came rushing over and they watched “the outsiders” together.

“are you okay?” she asked, and it was so genuine and sincere it hurt.

“no. are you?”

“surprisingly, yes. i’ll get over you, ivanov. there’s a cute girl who lives next to me and skates. the only question is will you get over me?”

“haha, you wish. you know, i think if i weren’t head over heels for luke, we might’ve dated.” he realized what he said. “whoops, sorry.”

“you’re fine,” she said.

“i’m sorry for using you. i hate myself,” he admitted, and he realized it was true. reggie  _ did _ hate himself.

“it’s okay, seriously. please don’t hate yourself. so, are you going to talk to luke?”

“not yet. he’s still with alex and...i’m not ready. there’s still a part of me that feels shame at the idea of loving a man.”

“i know what you’re going through. the first time i liked a girl i locked myself in my room for a week.”

“seriously?”

“yeah, but i got over it. i realized i couldn’t control who i loved, and if that was true, why not just embrace it?”

“yeah, that’s true. he asked me to kiss him.”

she looked surprised at the statement. “he what? what about Alex?”

“i don’t know. damn it, this is all such a mess… alex is such a good guy, you know? he’s never hurt anyone in his life and we… i…”

“did you say yes?”

“no, of course not.”

“you all will be okay, you know? how long have you been friends?”

“we all got close when we were 11.” reggie thought back on the memory with a smile. it had been the first day of 6th grade and luke had complimented his “star wars shirt.” then, alex had joined when he had a project with luke in english class, and they’d all become best friends.

“see, you’ll be fine. friendships like that don’t just go away.”

“and alex?”

“alex will be fine. i mean, he knew the situation, didn’t he?”

“yeah but…”

“he’ll be fine, reggie. he just might need some time.”

“thank you, delilah.”

she rested her head on his shoulder. “i love you. full platonic.” she punched his arm to emphasize the point.

“i love you too.” 

🎸🎸🎸

reggie didn’t go back to practice for a week. he couldn’t do it. he didn’t know what he would say if he had to look into luke’s eyes.

after a week, he picked himself up and decided to go. he needed to see luke, even if they couldn’t be together.

reggie walked into the garage, and there was luke. alex wasn’t there.

“where’s alex?” reggie asked.

“he’s sick.”

“not mad at you?”

“damn it, i’m not sure, reg. i broke up with him.”

“you did?” reggie hadn’t expected that.

“shit, reggie, did you think i was just going to ask you to kiss me and not break up with my boyfriend? what kind of person do you think i am?”

reggie noticed that luke looked like he hadn’t slept in months. “i...i don’t know. i guess i thought you didn’t mean it.”

“you thought i didn’t mean it?”

“i...i don’t know. damn it, luke, I don’t know what you want.”

“i want you, reg. that’s all.”

“so...have you changed your mind about wanting to kiss me?” reggie blushed.

“no, not quite.” 

reggie smiled, and suddenly luke’s lips were on his own. they were soft and he smelled like the sea. when Luke gently opened his mouth, reggie felt safe. reggie had never been kissed before luke, and yet he knew this was the best kiss he’d ever have.

when they pulled away, they rested their foreheads together.

“are you sure we should do this?”

“why not?”

“because alex is still upset at you, because it could ruin…” luke cut him off with a kiss, and he went silent.

when luke pulled away, reggie smiled at him.

“do you want to be my boyfriend?” luke asked gently.

reggie nodded.


End file.
